AT THE MIC – Mike Delamont

Avoid the sumo wrestler

Four years ago I lost a good amount of weight. It was the first time I was below 300 lbs. since my teen years.

I have always been a tall guy. I was 6’1 in the seventh grade – it made me a dream for the basketball coach. Of course, to take advantage of the height, that person must also have some kind of athletic ability.

As evidence, I bring to the court’s attention the time in my childhood I played soccer and scored on my own team, as well as the time I played baseball and hit a pop-fly right up towards the sun which then fell and hit me on the head. So, I was 6’1 with the sporting ability of Stephen Hawking, and because I had grown so much in two years, I was also lucky enough to have knees made entirely of Fabergé eggs.

In 2011, I moved to Toronto. I was in a terrible relationship, I had two jobs that I hated, and I couldn’t get stage time to save my life. I was tired and fat. So I went to the gym. It was at this magical place that I found the secret to weight loss. I hope you are sitting down my friends. Buckle up my friends, as we are about to take a trip of Narnian proportions. I discovered that the way to lose weight is to eat slightly less than you normally do and try to be a little more active. I KNOW! I was as shocked as you are. Please … tell no one. What would the world do if they found this out? MADNESS I tell you. There would be madness.

When I lost the weight I was happier, a little bit healthier and I found that my body craved water and the workout. After a death in the family, I moved back to Victoria and started a relationship with a wonderful woman who just so happens to now be my wife. She met me when I was well above 300 pounds and had a nice dark nest of patchy, pathetic sideburns for a musical I was doing. If that’s not love – what is?

Over the past few years I have packed on more weight in a chapter of my life I like to call Happy Fat. It’s like the movie Happy Feet – but no dancing and pollution – it’s more poutine and a beautiful woman. This chapter has led me to today. When I weighed myself last week, I discovered that I am the heaviest I have ever been. I don’t need to disclose the number, but I will say I can now technically qualify for sumo wrestling. Which, I would do if I wasn’t worried that the sight of me and my man boobies in a thong would cause the Armageddon.

So what have I decided to do about this issue? Well, I have decided to drop the weight. And I never do anything in a small way, so my wife and I have set a goal. On our first anniversary we are going to run a 10K. So we have started training. I have started running. Day one was hard but it felt good. Yesterday was harder and it felt even better. It’s not a huge, detailed plan. It’s just getting up and doing something. There isn’t a weight goal, though I am down a few pounds from last week. Since I talk about weight in my stand up, somebody asked me what I would talk about if I lost the weight. I honestly don’t know. What I do know is that if I don’t do something now I can joke on stage about how fat and tired I am until I probably die in my 40s, or I can make a change today and make jokes about something else well into my 70s. Tough choice.

I guess we will find out what happens next month.

 

 

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Duncan’s Big Stick lights up red to signal COVID’s devastation of the arts

“COVID-19 has been truly devastating to the Cowichan Performing Arts Centre”

Pandemic reunites 2000s era Victoria rock band The Origin

Saanich musicians recording for first time since 2008

From Nanoose Bay to the bookshelf, Howard the Gnome now a children’s book

Vancouver Island author explores Howard’s move down-Island

Nanaimo country singer releases new music video

‘Adrenaline’ is the second single from Joel Lee’s upcoming debut EP

Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good

Pay it Forward program supports local businesses in their community giving

Art+Earth Festival gets growing this weekend

Find out what events are in-person and what’s happening online

Film about missing and murdered indigenous women makes Nanaimo debut

A mother and daughter search for answers in Sonia Bonspille Boileau’s ‘Rustic Oracle’

Nanaimo’s Harbour City Photography Club goes virtual to adapt to COVID-19

Club’s exhibitions, meetings and presentations are now occurring online

Nanaimo’s Western Edge Theatre returns to the stage in Port Theatre debut

Theatre group presents ‘2 Across,’ described as a ‘middle-aged romantic comedy’

Authors nominated for Victoria Book Prize awards

Finalists for 2020 announced in two categories

Three Nanaimo-area writers up for CBC non-fiction prize

Sheila Brooke, Vicki McLeod and Rachael Preston make 35-person longlist

Resident Alien returns to Ladysmith for filming in early October

New SyFy series back after spring filming interrupted by COVID-19

Most Read