TALES FROM THE ROAD: The case of the wet hamburger

Grapes of Wrath frontman recalls an incident involving a hamburger and a hotel pool

One beautiful summer day before an evening gig I decided to have lunch at the hotel’s outdoor pool and restaurant. The only other people there was a middle-aged couple in the water.

I was enjoying a hamburger and fries, minding my business, but the hamburger was quite filling, so I decided to just eat the burger and leave the bun.

As I was finishing my food I heard a plopping splashing sound coming from nearby; I was too busy looking at my laptop to notice what it was.

A few seconds later the guy in the pool came up from underwater and threw something onto the pool deck beside me. It was a hamburger patty.

He just stared at me and then swam back to his wife.

This whole thing seemed strange, but then a horrifying thought came to mind: he thinks I threw my hamburger patty into the pool!

All the evidence pointed to me. There, on my plate, was an uneaten hamburger bun, and there, on the pool deck, was a wet hamburger patty.

The restaurant waitress immediately came by. She looked at the hamburger patty on the ground, then at the bun on the plate, then at me.

She picked up the wet patty and went back inside.

At this point I’m really paranoid. What do I care what people think? But do I want them thinking I threw a hamburger into a hotel pool?

I soon realized that the hamburger actually fell from the sky. It was dropped by a crow that was raiding the dumpster next door.

I thought about mentioning the crow to the waitress and the couple in the swimming pool, in case they hadn’t seen it still rummaging through the trash, but I didn’t bother, the story’s unbelievable enough as it is.

 

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