It’s interesting how the level to which we’ll break the law is different for everyone. Human nature being what it is, I doubt any of us can claim to be perfect law-abiding citizens. We all fall into those shades of grey where it’s our own morality rather than the law of the land that guides our daily judgments.
Fortunately, the vast majority flaunt our rebellious ways in such evil tasks as jaywalking (when no cars are coming and the Don’t Walk sign feels like it’s mocking us); parking in the loading zone when we need to nip into the store at five minutes before six to purchase a I-wasn’t-going-to-cave-but-maybe-this-time-I’ll-win lottery ticket; smoking a cigar practically anywhere in the city, since we’re not allowed to enjoy one with a pint in a public house anymore; rolling a joint to take the edge off a stressful week; and speeding. Boy can it be hard not to speed — especially when the road is clear and dry and, wait . . . wave to the seven-foot-tall Easter Bunny at the side of the road and, argh, now you’re being pulled over.
Yep, the cops are breaking out all the stops to remind us that being stupid behind the wheel can cost you. For their latest stealth undercover mission, Nanaimo RCMP bundled Acting Sgt. Norm Smith in a fuzzy rabbit suit to hop on bad behaviour. Most drivers received tickets for cellphone use (because who needs to pay attention when driving a 4,000-pound, bone-crushing metal box on wheels?) and for not wearing a seat belt.
But eating carrots also gave Officer Big Ears the keen eyesight to nab a drunk driver — and this was at 9:30 in the morning, so you know this isn’t the first time this jerk has had no regard for the lives of everyone around him.
The success of the RCMP Bunny (and you just know poor Norm was picked because he’s an Acting Sgt. who has to suck up to get the Acting part removed) will likely result in more imaginative undercover work being given the green light. Some ideas could be:
n Mullet Man. Based on Mike Myers’ character from Wayne’s World, all this officer needs is a good head-bopping mullet wig (and, yes, I rocked a mighty one: http://bit.ly/Hssyv7), a splash of cologne de poutine, heavy metal rock ‘n’ roll T-shirt and jeans. He’ll need to brush up on the lingo though if he wants to pass muster at Western Speedway where their radar is so keen that some of the drivers are legally blind.
n Human Statue. You see them posing in the Inner Harbour in summertime, but a successful year-round campaign could result in the police fooling us by putting out actual statues. We’ll become so paranoid every time we see a life-size statue, we’ll immediately pull on our seat belt and watch our speed.
n Naked Cyclist. This would take a brave officer, but who in their right mind would bother to hide criminal behaviour at the sight of a naked man or woman on a bicycle? Perfect disguise, but where do you hide the radio? M