In June, I shared my limited advice on marriage. After that column, my cousin suggested I write a column on how to know if the one you love is “the one.”
It’s a tall order because it’s hard to put into words. When I was 20-something and looking for love, I asked my mother that question, she said, “You’ll just know.”
I have to admit I didn’t think that was very useful.
As it turns out though, she was right. I did know. I heard a groom say the same thing in his wedding speech last month. He just knew. So, my first bit of advice is to trust your instinct.
But my gut feeling that this was it didn’t stop me from trying to come up with something a bit more concrete to convince me that I could trust that feeling. So let me share some wisdom my cousin passed on from her mother.
She advised, “See how he treats his mother. If he treats her well he’ll do the same for you.”
My cousin knew she had found the right guy when he sent his mother on a cruise for her birthday! That might be a bit extreme, but it makes sense that a man that treats his mother with love and respect has a healthy relationship with women.
Finally, learn from past relationships. Every relationship teaches us something, even if it’s just finding out what we don’t want.
It sounds a bit obvious, but you need to know who you are before you’re really ready to know what you need and want in someone else.
For me, it was how I felt about me when we were together that sealed the deal. He brought out the best in me. I was my best self when we were together. I’m so glad that he felt he felt the same. I was “the one, he just knew it!”