Grin and bear it

With the sun finally showing its face, the daily chore of trudging to work indoors becomes more and more difficult.

With the sun finally showing its face, the daily chore of trudging to work indoors becomes more and more difficult. But unless we get as lucky as a certain former steel worker from Campbell River who picked up a $36-million lottery prize this week, there’s little choice but to grin and bear it.

At least we can take certain comfort that there are worse jobs out there, unless you happen to have one of the 15 Most Stressful Jobs in the World, according to workplace blog Almost Organized (keepandshare.com).

A few of my favourites included on their list: African Bee Removal Specialist. Apparently, these shiftless bees are not only unreliable when it comes to paying rent on the hive, but also tend to get mean when asked to turn the buzzing down at 3 a.m. And if that isn’t annoying enough, they also hold a grudge and like to attack in packs.

Emergency Professionals: if they screw up, people die. If I screw up, anal-retentive former spelling-bee champs get deep wrinkles around their pursed lips. I’ll take the wrinkles and the slap-on-the-wrist emails.

Professional Animal Masturbator: first of all, the word professional tends to imply that there are amateur animal masturbators out there. If you’re one of them, please cut it out. This is obviously a job for professionals with, I assume, very small hands. How do you talk dirty to a chicken, anyway? And what do you do if they become too attached?

Freelancer: I believe Charles Dickens was working freelance when he wrote: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” It’s not the job that stresses you out, it’s the fear that there may not be a next one.

Hazmat Diver: it’s all fun and games until you have to recover a dead body from a waste lagoon full of urine and pig feces. Hmmm, my windowless office is starting to look quite cushy.

Ice Road Trucker. The pay is great so long as you don’t mind driving on the most dangerous roads in the world and the only radio station you can pull in is 24-hour Barry Manilow. Plus, and this is a little adage I like to keep close to heart, if you’re peeing outdoors and your urine stream freezes before it hits the ground, it’s time to turn around and head back to Victoria.

Summer may be late in coming, but, man, are we ever blessed when it finally arrives. M

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