Mike Delamont is an award-winning and critically acclaimed Comedian from Victoria.

At the mic: Mike Delamont

Discussing feeling old, and falling asleep, with local comic Mike Delamont

When did I get old?

I mean… I’m not old. I’m still young, but I feel old. I was at a movie this afternoon and they did that Dolby Surround Sound noise and I audibly said, “Goodness, that’s loud.” Goodness, that’s loud. Let’s break that down, shall we? First off, who, under the age of 70, says ‘Goodness’ in a moment of shock? I believe the last person under 30 to say that was a girl sitting on a veranda, in her finest Sunday dress, drinking a mint julep, and commenting on the unseasonable heat.

Secondly, I said this out loud. I was alone. I was speaking to nobody. Give me a cat and I may as well just take up knitting and die, my friends.

I have been performing my one man show in Toronto for a week now. Last night in the middle of the show, during a wave of applause and laughter, I scanned the audience feeling confident and happy. I’ve found that being a comedian is a pretty sensitive thing to do. You need to listen to the crowd and go with the flow sometimes to create the most entertaining experience. It’s rare but every once in a while you do it just right. The audience is laughing, your timing is perfect, every off-the-cuff joke hits like a hammer of hilarity, and you feel elated and invincible.

Last night at the half-way point of my show that is exactly how I felt. I scanned the audience and saw nothing but smiling faces. Then it happened. I saw it. A couple … sitting together … SLEEPING.

All that short lived confidence and happiness crashed to the ground. It wasn’t a gentle soft close-my-eyes-for-a-moment kind of sleep, but that nasty, head back, mouth open, sleeping on a plane kind of sleep. You know the kind.

We always hope we don’t look like that when we sleep in public. I mean that skinny cow across the aisle looks like an angel. All tucked up in a ball like a blonde kitten. I can sleep like that, right? No, you can’t.

Real people look disgusting when we sleep. We snort, we fart and I don’t know what the hell comes out of our faces. Have you ever looked at your pillow with the case off? It’s revolting. And that is how this couple was sleeping.

Every part of me wanted to call them out … but I didn’t. I’ve been there. You are so excited for a show and you get there, sit down and think … crap … I’m totally exhausted. And no matter how hard you try, you are not long for this world. We’ve all been there. I fell asleep in Avatar! I was awake for the action parts but couldn’t keep my eyes open for the purple people Pocahontas parts. (How do you like THAT alliteration.)

You never know what you are going to get when you walk out onstage. You don’t know who is happy or who is sad. It’s a sea of stranger’s faces and you have to try and make them laugh. I will do it all again tonight if the weather holds up. Two days ago it was hot. Yesterday it was flooded. Today it’s hot AND raining. In other parts of the world rain falls to cool the earth and nourish the plants. Here in Toronto it falls to the earth, turns to steam, and burns the innocent.

One more week here and then it’s off to Winnipeg. Their weather is good in the middle of summer, right?

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Jen Hodge conducts an online concert during the pandemic after returning to B.C. from New York City. Photo courtesy Claudia Nobauer
Canada Recovery Benefit won’t replace the magic of live performance, musicians say

Cash will help, but its the audience connection that most performers miss — and crave

Mary Fox’s new book My Life as a Potter is available at bookstores nationwide. (Cole Schisler photo)
My Life as a Potter raises funds for Mary Fox Legacy Project

Acclaimed Vancouver Island potter’s story raising money for developing artists

Premier John Horgan and Rob Douglas, BC NDP candidate for Cowichan Valley, meet with Cowichan First Nation elders, as they demonstrate spearfishing along the river. (Submitted)
Horgan acknowledges A&E sector hit hard by COVID-19, but showing signs of recovery

Hollywood North doing better than Hollywood South, Horgan says

Online reservation service, First Table, allows Victoria diners to have dinner at half-price if they’re willing to be flexible about when they go. (Black Press Media file photo)
New reservation service allows Victoria residents to dine out at half price

First Table gives Victoria diners 50 per cent off when they book tables during off-peak hours

Elizabeth and Marcel Bergmann will play the same piano at the Port Theatre on Nov. 1. (Photo courtesy Best Days Ever Photography)
Piano duo perform on one piano in Nanaimo return to live performance

Marcel and Elizabeth Bergmann present first live, in-person concert since March

Leaking Time by Oak Bay resident Ilka Bauer is the winning entry of the Federation of Canadian Artist’s “Crisis” exhibition on now in Vancouver. (Ilka Bauer Image)
Oak Bay artist wins juried show in Vancouver

Pair of Oak Bay artists part of ‘Crisis’ exhibition

Can you spot all 12 Days of Christmas displays at the Butchart Gardens? Jen Blyth photo.
The magic of Christmas returns to the Butchart Gardens

Some events cancelled due to COVID-10 but 12 Days of Christmas will brighten the season

Gatineau artist Michèle Provost visits the Malaspina Galleries during her artist residency on Gabriola Island. (Photo supplied)
Gatineau artist the first to take part in new Gabriola Island artist residency

Michèle Provost to create art book reflecting on the positives of aging

Legendary Vancouver-based blues and jazz guitarist and vocalist Jim Byrnes will perform live at the Tidemark Theatre in a concert that will also be streamed. Contributed photo
Legendary blues musician and actor Jim Byrnes hits the Island

Playing Campbell River’s Tidemark Theatre for a hybrid live/online show

Dinner shows in the Playbill Dining Room are keeping the Chemainus Theatre going during the pandemic. (Photo by Don Bodger)
Dinner events satisfying for the Chemainus Theatre and patrons

Small groups enjoy entertainment and the food in the Playbill Dining Room

Kent Laforme looks through the sound tunnel, or visual portal, carved inside the 25,000-pound marble sculpture that could be installed at Cattle Point. (Screen Shot, Oakbay.ca video)
Kent Laforme looks through the sound tunnel, or visual portal, carved inside the 25,000-pound marble sculpture that could be installed at Cattle Point. (Screen Shot, Oakbay.ca video)
Stone Takaya sculpture could soon ‘howl’ at Cattle Point

Oak Bay inviting public suggestions for 25,000-pound marble sculpture

Most Read