AT THE MIC: Mike Delamont

Comedian Mike Delamont would make for 'the world's strangest burglar' in Swift Current, Saskatchewan

At 9 a.m. I boarded a plane in Victoria, and four airports later (including one unexpected cancellation and a reroute) I find myself in a van headed from Regina to Swift Current at dusk for a small-town arts festival. I remember, as I have driven these Saskatchewan roads before, that driving through the Prairies is like every scene from The Flintstones. Just passing the same house, boulder and tree over and over again.

With the stress of the day weighing on my eyes, I hear a light rain start to hit the van. The constant tapping of water against the glass lulls me to sleep and I close my eyes. I open them moments later with the realization that there are no clouds in the sky, so how could there be rain? The kid driving hits the windshield wipers and I have a front-row seat to the carnage of thousands of bugs being scraped across the windshield. It’s an Armageddon of ant-sized proportions. It wasn’t rain, people. It was bugs.

Once we reached Swift Current I was dropped off at the house where I was being billeted. Normally I stay in hotels, but this being a small town, I figured a house might be better than the Motel 6. Since one of my flights was cancelled, I ended up arriving later than planned. When I arrived, the light was on outside but it seemed like my hosts were asleep due to the late hour. I was told I was staying in the basement, so I quietly opened the door to the house, put my bag in the empty bedroom and got in the shower. It was only once I was standing naked in the shower in a house I had never been to, owned by a couple I had yet to meet, that I thought to myself: ‘What if I’m in the wrong house?’ What would they do when they found a chubby stand-up comedian, naked, in their house. I would look like the worlds strangest burglar. “What are you doing in our shower?” “Theft makes me sweaty!”

I have never been to this part of the country in the summer before, and while I felt badly for the blanket of insects that speckled the hood of our vehicle like a Jackson Pollock painting, these feelings soon faded as I was introduced to the largest mosquitoes I have ever seen. I think perhaps ‘small horse’ may be more fitting than ‘large mosquitoes.’ They take so much blood its like an involuntary donor clinic. It’s one of the rare times I am happy to be so large. If they ever bit somebody smaller – that person would die. Temperatures are in the 30s, the humidity is in the 90s, the bugs are the size of cars.

I don’t know if hell exists, people, but if it does … it might be Saskatchewan.

 

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Artist Daniel Cline discusses his sculpture, Harmony Humpbacks, during the June 20 walking tour of Oak Bay’s 2019 ArtsAlive sculptures. Harmony Humpbacks was purchased by Oak Bay as the 2019 people’s choice winner and is permanently installed at the Beach Drive entrance to Willows Park. (Kevin Murdoch Photo)
Influx of donated art a ‘fantastic problem to have,’ says Oak Bay mayor

Oak Bay goes from zero to 10 permanent art pieces since 2015

Tomo Vranjes, a Greater Victoria musician and longtime fan of late rock guitar icon Eddie Van Halen, joins artist Paul Archer behind the latter’s Fort Street gallery. Archer, whose airbrushed paintings of rock greats have made him many connections in recent years, painted a likeness of Van Halen following the guitarist’s death last month from cancer. (Don Descoteau/News Staff)
Victoria artist’s king-sized tribute to Eddie Van Halen draws on personal connection

Paul Archer had an up close and personal day with the legendary guitarist in 1980

The Sheringham Point Lighthouse, near Shirley. (Contributed - Lee-Ann Ruttan)
New book shines a light on Sheringham Point Lighthouse

Publication examines history, lightkeepers, and volunteer society

Victoria-based guitarist Eric Harper performs at the Port Theatre on Nov. 27. (Photo credit Tatum Duryba)
Classical guitarist to play at the Port Theatre

Eric Harper to play new songs composed during the pandemic

A sample of some of Lou-ann Neel’s jewelry.
Lou-ann Neel wins the Fulmer Award in First Nations Art

Originally from Alert Bay, Neel’s family is steeped in renowned Kwakwaka’wakw artists

I-Hos Gallery manager Ramona Johnson shows some of the paddles available at the retail outlet. Photo by Terry Farrell
I-Hos Gallery celebrates 25 years of promoting First Nation artwork

K’ómoks First Nation-based outlet has art from all over the country

Bard to Broadway Theatre Society may stage shows outdoors next summer. (PQB News photo file)
Qualicum Beach’s Bard to Broadway group may stage shows outdoors

Theatre society plans smaller productions due to ongoing pandemic

A new short film festival called MORVENFEST is encouraging B.C. secondary students to step into the world of film during their Christmas break. (Jane Skrypnek/News Staff)
New film festival gives Victoria students exciting opportunity

MORVENFEST is open to all B.C. secondary students over Christmas break

Port Alberni author Diane Dobson has put together a collection of childhood memories, with proceeds going towards the Ty Watson House. (ELENA RARDON / ALBERNI VALLEY NEWS)
Port Alberni writer looks through the eyes of a child

Book raises funds for the Alberni Valley Hospice Society

Most Read