Distance dulls flame
O. Honey:
Because of circumstances, my love and I are living in different provinces. We are separated by miles and seem to be drifting apart. If we can’t be together, I am afraid that our love will just fade away and disappear into the great abyss. I don’t want to lose what we have had for so long. Sending cards, flowers and candy can only go so far. What else can I do to rekindle the flame when we are so far away from each other.
— Cross Country Lover
Dear CC Lover:
The happiest people in the world are those who are lucky enough to have found love. And the saddest people are those who had love and lost it. Don’t you listen to country music? Never mind that; listen to me. My advice is to protect love at all costs. Treat it like the precious, priceless, irreplaceable gift that it is. Resolve whatever ‘circumstances’ are keeping you in different provinces and do it quickly. If you don’t, here is how you could be describing your life:
n “My ‘circumstance’ and I dressed as Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife Beth for Halloween”
n “My ‘circumstance’ made me soup and cuddled with me when I was sick”
n “My ‘circumstance’ and I spend our evenings rocking on the porch after American Idol”
Sounds lonely and pathetic doesn’t it?
So get moving — literally. In the famous words of Nike, just do it. If you sacrifice love to appease ‘circumstance’ you are a fool and will likely be an unhappy fool at that.
Love always, O. Honey
Meet not meat
Dear O Honey:
My story is a usual one, but nonetheless still needs help: after child, then divorce, then single mom, then suddenly child leaves home, and here I am out of the scene for too long with different priorities. I don’t know where to go or what to do. Going out with friends, I find nice looking guys are mostly attached or with people, and you can’t really start talking to people because they just stare back, blinking and wondering why you are talking to them. Then there are the ads and websites to look at, and it is all a bit overwhelming. What would you say to someone who would rather meet in person?
—Sexy,Overwhelmed & Single
Dear SOS:
Yes your story is a common one, but I am convinced there is a love match for all. Here are my suggestions to find yours:
1. Gather together the people who love you most and have each of them tell you what they think is awesome, unique and loveable about you. This will remind you of all the reasons you are a great catch and will give you confidence when talking to men.
2. Have your lipstick on at all times and your smile showing it off. Make funny, casual conversation with people in stores, on the bus and at the dog park. If you engage both men and women in friendly chat you will feel more natural and not like you are ‘coming on to’ someone. It makes you approachable to men who may also be shy.
3. Join a Meet-Up group that you are sincerely interested in. It will get you out and involved with people you already have something in common with.
4. Don’t limit your search to “nice looking guys.” This is the biggest mistake women make. You will never find someone who is prettier than you who will treat you like a princess! Seek average-looking men with above-average humour, kindness and integrity. Here is a secret: the more you come to love someone, the better looking they get!
Go forth and make me proud!
Love always, O. Honey
Tell me I’m wonderful
O. Honey:
I could use your help. I’ve been dating a man now for about six months and he’s really great in a lot of ways. He’s willing to have those difficult conversations, cooks for me, texts me in the middle of the day, and is generally compatible. Problem is he just doesn’t tell me how great I am, call me special names, and is really not very romantic or expressive that way at all. He buys me practical gifts and talks to me like he would the cable guy. I really need that kind of special attention and he’s not willing or able — I’m not sure which. It feels sometimes like we’ve been married for years instead of still dating. Can you teach an old dog new tricks? Should I try? Should I just learn to live without it, or is it a sign?
—Please scratch my ears
Dear PSME:
We don’t always get it wrapped up in a bow. Your man shows you that he loves you by the way he treats you. You can trust that more than a man who tells you he loves you, but doesn’t treat you as though he does. And here’s what I know about old dogs: it is very difficult to teach them new tricks. But if you reward them and praise them for the tricks they already know . . . they may try harder to learn new ones.
Love always, O. Honey
Down, boy, down
Dear O Honey:
I have the weirdest quandary. As a recently single woman, I’m finding my male so-called friends won’t stop coming onto me. While you might think this is flattering, it’s actually really upsetting because I no longer feel comfortable around these people and feel like I’m losing friends. I’ve stopped talking to most of them, but they still call and want to know what’s up. I don’t know what I’m doing to illicit this behaviour, and I can’t seem to find a tactful way to tell them I no longer want to be around them. Can you help?
—Not A Piece of Meat
Dear NAPM:
Men know when they have behaved really badly. They do it for two reasons:
1. Occasionally, a women with little self-respect will agree to the hook-up (something gained).
2. If the woman refuses, she will be quiet and tactful about turning them down (nothing lost). I say give them a consequence for their disrespectful behaviour. Tell them they’ve broken your trust, made you uncomfortable and you’ve lost respect for them. If you shy away from confronting them it makes it easy for them to do it to another woman. Power to the Sisterhood!
Love always, O. Honey
Torn and pathetic
Dear O Honey:
The dude I was in love with for years broke up with me about six months ago, and I was devastated. My friends told me to pick myself up and move on, and I did the best I could. Half a year later, we’ve started talking again. He wants to be friends, says he misses me and seems generally confused. Now, I’m teetering between moving on and wishing I could have him back in my life. I know this choice isn’t just mine, but I feel torn and pathetic. Help?
—Straddler
Dear Straddler:
You already know the answer unless you enjoy feeling torn and pathetic. Get off the fence and keep moving forward. You don’t want to be the one he comes back to because there is nothing better going on.
Love always, O. Honey
Advice for the lovely, lonely & forlorn